Marriage Therapy-Do Couples Need Counseling to Find Out If Their Relationship is a Sham?

A recent movie depicts the romantic story of a couple who begin their marriage as a means to save the woman from deportation. Comedy ensues when an immigration agent suspects their upcoming marriage to plot to keep the woman in the USA. He vows to negative outcomes for the couple and tries to prove their marriage a "sham".

The immigration agent's plan in the movie is to reveal that the couple does not know each other very well. He believes they are marrying for reasons other then "love". What I take from this story is that in America, if not done for the reason of love, any other reason makes the marriage a sham, a spurious imitation.

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As a marriage counselor in Overland Park, KS, I am worried about putting marriage at the mercy of feeling. Is love really the onlyindispensable and essential ingredient for a non-sham marriage? Does the genuine marriage disappear when a couple hates each other, when love is gone?

The critical pillar of family rests on an ephemeral twig if it's only love that makes a couple's bond legitimate. "Honey," "I used to love you, but it flew off someplace. Actually, my love lit on that woman next door, so, since I love her now and not you, our marriage is now a sham. It must be the will of the Love God for me to leave you and marry her, at least until my Love Bug bites on someone else's pretty skin. "That's goofy thinking, or worse, not thinking at all. Our couple relationships are at the mercy of our fickle feelings if the critical element distinguishing between sham marriage and non-sham marriage is whether or notthe couple loves each other.

Love certainly adds spice and richness to a marriage. Emotional bonding and facilite parking comes from a couple interacting with each other on personal and emotional levels over time. You may call that "love", which is fine. On the other hand, I have seen many couples with thick and strong emotional bonds who also fight and upset each other daily.

Are we to report these unhappy couples to the "Love" Cops "and arrest then for the crime of Sham Marriage? Maybe it's time to consider any union two consenting adults choose to have a marriage, if they want to call it that. They may choose to stay in it or not. They may choose to be in love, or not.

As a couples counselor, I have heard people give many reasons to marry and stay married. Those include: forthe kids, money, social appearances, the couple had sex before marriage, marriage vows, fear of change, parental arrangement.

You know what else? I've even seen couples who were not in love at first, bond and growing very fond of each other as they simply do life together over the years.

Marriage Therapy-Do Couples Need Counseling to Find Out If Their Relationship is a Sham?